Prince William County Delays Protection of LGBTQ Students

On Wednesday, the Prince William County (VA) school board voted to postpone a decision on adding sexual orientation and gender identity to the school district's non-discrimination policy until the second meeting in June 2017.

The motion to postpone the vote on the policy change was put forward by Diane Raulston, on the basis that she felt they ought to wait until either the Virginia Supreme Court or the U.S. Supreme Court makes a decision on a lawsuit against the addition of sexual orientation and gender identity to Fairfax County's non-discrimination policy.

She apparently thought this would happen by October, but then was advised that it probably would not happen any time soon. Since by procedure she was required to specify a date to reconsider the motion (or postpone it indefinitely) she chose June of next year. Five board members voted in favor of postponing a decision on the policy. Only Chairman Ryan Sawyers voted against the delay, and Loree Williams abstained.

This seems nonsensical on the surface, given that the policy they were to discuss and vote on had already been amended to state that the bathroom and locker room issue, the most contentious part, would await guidance from the courts. Almost all of the citizens who spoke in opposition to the policy on Wednesday night focused on bathrooms and locker rooms.

But if the policy already sidestepped this issue, why postpone the whole thing?

Those who oppose the policy change accuse Chairman Sawyers political motivations for bringing forth this policy, but in fact it's the five board members who voted to delay it that are playing politics.

They saw how vocal the opposition was, and did not want to face the political fallout that would come from supporting even a watered-down version of the LGBTQ policy. Instead, they used the convenient excuse of "waiting for the courts" to avoid even discussing the merits of the policy.

If there's a silver lining, it's that at least they didn't dismiss the policy change outright. At least they're willing to consider it again. And my belief is that most of the board has the sense that protecting LGBTQ students is the right thing to do.

Just that aside from Chairman Sawyers and member Loree Williams, they don't feel sure enough on transgender issues to stand up to a raving crowd of misinformed conservatives.

The bad news is that now LGBTQ students will have to endure another whole school year without explicit protection from bullying, and LGBTQ employees will spend another year in fear for their jobs. Indeed, I wouldn't be surprised if the climate got worse for LGBTQ people in PWC schools, thanks to the postpone of this policy, which seems to say, "No, we don't care, go ahead and harass LGBTQ people."

***

Of the 100+ Prince William County citizens who spoke before the board over the course of six hours on Wednesday night, almost all of them were opposed to the policy, and almost all of them in turn fixated on the issue of bathrooms and locker rooms, in a way that revealed gross misunderstanding and lack of respect for trans people.

Misgendering of trans people. The policy would not allow boys or men to go into girls' bathrooms and locker rooms. It would guarantee the right of transgender girls to use these facilities along with other girls. Conservatives reject the gender identities of trans people, seeing no difference between a trans girl and a cisgender boy. But the American Psychological Association has recognized that transgenderedness is a real thing, and that trans girls ought to be seen as girls and trans boys as boys.

People who have never met an actual trans person (that they know of) are probably not aware of the transformation that happens when someone transitions. Even without hormones or other medical interventions, the change in appearance and behavior can be dramatic. This is not to say that trans people do or have to conform to male and female gender norms - but a binary trans person will likely look and act much like any other person of their gender. A trans woman is not just a "man in a dress," but a woman through and through.

Fear-mongering about sexual assault. The parent of a trans high-schooler and non-binary middle-schooler called it when she said that this was demonstration of the pervasiveness of rape culture. Apparently, it's taken for granted that boys are going to attempt to go into girls' facilities to assault girls and that schools are not going to be able to prevent such assaults. Rather than placing the responsibility - or even just the expectation - on boys to behave themselves, another class of citizens has to be disenfranchised for the "protection" of girls.

There is no connection between transgender bathroom use and the incidence of sexual assaults and harassment in bathrooms. In general, trans people just want to go in, use the bathroom, and get out, often even more discreetly then cis people, due to understandable nervousness about using bathrooms in a transphobic world. And people who want to sneak into bathrooms to assault other people will do so regardless of transgender bathroom policies, and it will still be against the law, just like assault under any other circumstances. Transgender bathroom policies do not protect these kinds of people. They protect ordinary trans folk who are just trying to pee, in privacy.

Let's be clear though. While there are probably some people who are truly frightened of cis men being allowed into women's bathrooms under trans bathroom protections, for conservative politicians this is just a front. They are less concerned about the problem of sexual assault than about demonizing trans women. Just ask them when they've last supported Take Back the Night or a similar movement and you'll see how much they actually care about sexual assault.

Passing personal belief off as science. News flash: science no longer holds that chromosomes or genitalia equal gender identity, or even that any of these are limited to the binary of male and female. There are more chromosomal combinations than just XX and XY, and ambiguous genitals also happen. Gender identity, meanwhile, is acknowledged as an internal sense of being male, female or something else, which may or may not correlate with one's physical body or what was assigned at birth. Throughout the medical establishment, the consensus is becoming stronger and stronger that transgender and non-binary identities are valid and that the ideal "treatment" for individuals with these identities is affirmation and support.

Obsession with strangers' genitalia. Usually we call that perversion, but for some reason, when we're talking about transgender people, even minors, it's ok? One of the speakers said that he would be uncomfortable using a restroom with someone with female genitalia. As a trans guy, I'm uncomfortable that he's thinking about my genitals! How is that ok? If he were to openly talk about the genitals of a cisgender man or woman, that would be labeled sexual harassment. But because trans people are seen as less than human, people think it's ok to talk about our genitals in public. No! It's not ok, and if you're doing it, you're being pervy and committing harassment. You wouldn't want your private parts to be the topic of conversation around the water cooler, so don't do it to us, either.

Probably one of the most frustrating things about that night was hearing lie after lie, and not being able to say anything to contradict them, and seeing so few people take the stand to defend LGBTQ people and especially transgender people. Where were they? Where were the people who elected these Democratic board members in the first place? Where were the GSA's? It is understandable that students might be afraid to come out so publicly, and LGBTQ employees would be afraid of losing their jobs - the Chairman mentioned receiving emails saying as much. But where were the parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, guidance counselors, and others who might speak for those afraid to speak for themselves?

***

Possibly the most worthwhile part of the night, meanwhile, was listening to and participating in a conversation between my girlfriend (an out transgender woman and a survivor of Catholic school) and a less-judgmental pastor. Their conversation partly inspired some thoughts on sin which I jotted down earlier.

This particular pastor held that being homosexual or transgender is a sin and that the Bible has the answers to all life's questions and problems, but he also seemed more open-minded and accepting than some of the other conservative faith leaders. Almost a "live and let live" sort of person.

He did try to liken being trans or gay to being unfaithful to one's spouse - one might have urges to do certain things, but that doesn't mean it's right to act on them. I wasn't part of the conversation at that point so I didn't say anything, but I what I wanted to say was:

The difference is that, when you're unfaithful, you're hurting someone. Whether you're monogamous or poly, being unfaithful means you're breaking your partner's trust, doing something they wouldn't want to happen and probably lying to them to boot. Being gay or trans, meanwhile, doesn't in and of itself hurt anyone else. And it can be very liberating to be open to it, and can allow someone who was previously repressed to find sincere, wholehearted love, In short, it brings good things to yourself and your potential partner. Arguing that I'm hurting myself with my transgender and queer "lifestyle" by jeopardizing my eternal soul is invalid, since it presumes I believe in the same standards for judging souls that you do. (I don't.) And trying to force your beliefs on me - well, that's generally not ok.

Later on, the pastor asked me what I believed in, and since he was being so friendly and open, I told him. (I hope to write up a post about my spiritual beliefs pretty soon here. It will start with, "I have a sort of anthropological view on religion...") I have to give him credit for staying cool while I told him that I thought all religions, including Christianity, are "made up" and "mythology." I'm not used to talking to Christians, and am generally frank to the point of tactlessness anyway. However, he did not seem fazed, and gave me his business card and invited me and my gf to come to a service at his church.

I don't know about sitting through all that, but the gf is interested in doing outreach at churches to spread some much-needed awareness about trans people.

***

On Thursday morning, I had a an anxiety attack.

I was in the middle of a dream related to the school board meeting when my alarm must have gone off - although I don't remember that - and I floundered for a while between dreaming and waking, confused, hurt and afraid. Matters probably weren't helped by the less than three hours of sleep I'd had and definitely weren't helped by the fact that my girlfriend, my main source of emotional support, was going out of town for the weekend.

I began to be afraid of my own fear and spiraled down into a near paralysis of helpless despair.

Nothing could really help. Staying in bed all day wouldn't have helped - I'd just have become more paralyzed.

Eventually, somehow, I managed to drag myself out of bed, get dressed and go off to work. Doing things made the anxiety recede until I was able to tiptoe around it, functioning almost normally.

While processing things with my therapist today, she pointed out that meeting that much transphobia - six hours' worth - so suddenly must have been a traumatic experience. It made sense to be upset.

But also, I recalled one of the teenage girls who spoke against the non-discrimination policy saying that she was sick with fear of encountering a "boy" in the bathroom or locker room.

I have some idea how she feels, since it sounds similar to the way I felt about living in a very often transphobic world on Thursday morning.

It made me realize that although people on "the other side" are misinformed, they are also human and are suffering from their ignorance, sometimes just as much as I am.

And it's not like I know everything, either. The conversation with the pastor taught me things about the Christian viewpoint that I had never realized before.

We have to find a way to come together, to diminish suffering and ignorance, and make things better for all of us.

***

Edit, 9/24/16: I misremembered which Board member made the motion to postpone the vote on the policy. It was Diane Raulston, not Lillie Jessie.

Thoughts on Sin

I will write another piece on the Prince William County School Board meeting later, but for now, here are some thoughts on sin that occurred to me while listening to my girlfriend (an out trans woman and a survivor of Catholic school and Catholic upbringing) debating sin and other religious topics with two pastors - one reasonable and one deluded.

I'm not a theologian. Someone probably said stuff like I'm about to say better and prettier and more theologically correct before. I'm just jotting down my own reflections on these topics as I try to understand my own spirituality, and to give you a window into it and maybe something to think about too.

1. Sin is limiting. The concept of sin tells you all these things you can't do. Sometimes I agree with these pronouncements, like "Thou shalt not kill." But other times, calling something a sin just because "the Bible says so" prevents you from getting the most out of life. There is a Richard Dawkins quote relating to this which I tried to find (I heard it through the excellent, Watership Down-themed post-hardcore band Fall of Efrafa, so I don't have it in writing). He says that this life isn't something to be endured for the sake of the hereafter, but that we should live in the here and now. We should stop tormenting ourselves about sin, and simply try to live better.

2. Sin is relative. Different cultures say this is a sin or that is a sin, but compassion and kindness are universal. We all know what it is to be treated nicely, and we all deserve that.

I'm also thinking of a Thich Nhat Hanh quote which I have nowhere near at hand, about how we could have heaven on earth if we would just love one another. Certainly, there are things that could be said to be undeniably wrong, such as intentionally hurting another being. But this is defined by the standard of what is right, not by an arbitrary list in a book. A true sin, to me, is a failure to exercise love, compassion, benevolence and kindness. These are things that are universally recognized as good. So it's time we pursued those, wholly and unabashedly, instead of creating more suffering by codifying anything we don't disagree with as "sin."

An Open Letter to the Prince William County School Board About Updating the Non-Discrimination Policy

I will not be speaking at the Prince William County (VA) school board meeting next week where they will vote on adding sexual orientation and gender identity to the school district's non-discrimination policy, because I am not a resident of Prince William County. However, I have a lot of things to say to everyone concerned in the matter, so I'm writing some open letters. Think of it kind of like an amicus brief. I was going to do them all in one post, but they started to get long and I started to run out of time, so here is the first, most important one:

To the Prince William County School Board,

Next week, you have the chance to decide whether to protect some of your most vulnerable students, or to give a carte blanche to those who would harass LGBTQ students, deny rights to transgender students, and jeopardize not just the education but the lives of these students.

If you oppose the policy change, ask yourself if you really believe a class of students should be excluded from fair treatment, or if you're just uncomfortable with those who are different from you, or with the ire of those who hate others just for being different.

Separate is never equal. Unless a transgender student specifically requests it for their comfort or safety, making a trans student use a separate bathroom due to superficial characteristics is inherently unfair. I say superficial because no matter our physical configuration, we are all human and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Is it respectful to turn a blind eye to the bullying faced by LGBTQ students? Is it dignified for a transgender student to to stigmatized by being excluded from bathrooms and locker rooms?

I hope you have listened, and will listen, those who are directly concerned in this policy change - the LGBTQ students and staff of Prince William County. They are the ones who will be most significantly benefited, or mostly deeply harmed, by whether or not you choose to approve this change. For LGBTQ students facing harassment and the resulting isolation, depression and anxiety, this could be a life or death issue.

Some of you had questions about how the policy would be implemented. But these questions are just dancing around the heart of the matter - that some people are uncomfortable with trans people in bathrooms and locker rooms, and are coming up with endless, but vaguely phrased, questions to create delay and to cover up and avoid facing their discomfort with trans people. The actual implementation could be very simple. The sexual orientation part could be handled with a memo informing everyone, "Harassment or discrimination based on sexual orientation is not to be tolerated." The social transition of transgender students could be handled with IEP's, allowing each trans student to realize their social transition in their own way, and creating no extra work for the Board. There is no need to waste time discussing this, when the real issue is: some people don't want trans people in bathrooms and locker rooms, no matter how you implement it.

I implore you examine the reasons why. Do you really believe trans students are a danger to other students, or that they just want to use the bathroom and change for gym the same as anyone else? Do you really believe trans people, who are incredibly anxious about their body parts, would willingly let anyone see them? Or that trans students nervous about being accepted would do anything untoward in the bathroom or locker room? Or that it is acceptable for other students and parents to pry into a trans student's privacy, wanting to know about their genitals or how they go to the bathroom? This is what the debate is about. "How" is just an excuse to avoid facing the question of "why." Because all the answer boils down to is, "They're different." Trans people's gender identities are different from the "norm." And that is no valid reason to exclude them. That is the very definition of discrimination.

The bathroom debate also calls into question the validity of transgender identities. This is not something new or made up. Trans people have been around as long as people have - prehistoric remains have been found that were "physically" one gender but buried in a fashion usually reserved for the other binary gender, indicating that even in prehistoric times, there seem to have been transgender people. Gender variance occurs across a wide range of cultures and throughout history. Physical sex characteristics even vary, since about 1% of the population is born intersex. Moreover, gender dysphoria is recognized by the American Psychological Association and the American Medical Association with the recommended treatment being supporting trans people in living as the gender they identify with. Not allowing transgender students and staff to use the restrooms consistent with their gender identities would be ignoring their medical needs.

You could debate the implementation of the policy forever - and that is what anti-transgender activists want you to do, not just to avoid implementing protection for LGBTQ, and especially the T, students and staff, but also to disguise their real motive - hate and discrimination for no other reasons than misunderstanding, fear and ignorance of those who are different, an inflated imaginary threat that bears no resemblance to real medical basis, psychological struggles and fundamental humanity of trans people. Do not be distracted by their inflammatory falsehoods and needless delaying tactics from the real question: what is fair? For some students to be bullied and denied access to school facilities, just because of the sense of self they were born with? Is that really something you want to stand for? Or would you rather stand for respectful, equitable treatment of all students?

Prince William County School Board Split Over LGBTQ Non-Discrimination Protection

I just got back from the Prince William County (VA) school board meeting where the addition of sexual orientation and gender identity to the school district's non-discrimination policy was discussed, and I can't sleep because my brain is whirring up a storm over all the stuff that was said tonight.

A lot of it was good. There were a lot of people speaking in support of the addition to the non-discrimination policy. But I worry it wasn't enough to counteract the inaccurate, illogical and unscientific remarks of the opposition, and the waffling of some school board members.

Three of the school board members insisted they needed more time to discuss how exactly the policy would be implemented. What is there to discuss? You're adding five words to the non-discrimination policy. Once that's done, you can hammer out exactly how you're going to implement it. Even that is not so difficult - many schools, districts and organizations have already done it, and you could just leave the details up to the individual school.

Obsessing about how the policy will be implemented is really just an excuse to do nothing. What it really means is, I'm not ready to accept transgender students, so I need more time to "think about it." It might be to the school board member's credit, if they are actually willing to think about it and wrap their heads around transgender issues. But equally likely, it's just an excuse. Because it's not politic to say, "I oppose this because I'm uncomfortable with trans people," so instead they say, "We need more time to think about it." Doing nothing in the meantime, and possibly never. As my girlfriend (who, being a PWC resident, spoke at the meeting) pointed out, they already had seven months to think about it, research and come up with ways to implement it.

Two of the school board members also said there was no need for such a policy. Probably not coincidentally, they were both white men. It's easy to say nothing's wrong when you're privileged. Also probably not coincidentally, the three black women on the school board all said some variation of "Discrimination against any person is wrong." The school board chairman also made a very astute observation: "The majority does not need to be protected, because it will always protect itself."

Those who say there's no need for codification of sexual orientation and gender identity in the non-discrimination policy blatantly ignored the testimony of the alumni, parents and staff who described bullying of LGBTQ students in PWC schools. They ignored the testimony of the counselor who talked about how LGBTQ students suffer levels of anxiety that interfere with their studies. And they are ignoring the high suicide rates of LGBTQ youth, which stem directly from hostile environments.

"Even if it saves one student," one of the school board members said, "it's the right thing to do."

Then there was the misinformation spouted by the citizens who spoke in opposition to the policy change. They routinely used incorrect terminology, such as referring to a transgender boy as a "transitioning female." It's not just offensive but actually confusing. For a moment or two I thought he was talking about a trans girl, but then it became apparent he meant a trans boy. Whaaa? Just use the standard terminology so everyone knows what you mean. Oh, and here's a protip for policymakers: If someone doesn't even know the proper terminology for talking about trans people, chances are they also don't know much about the actual lives and experiences of trans people. You may want to keep that in mind.

And then there were the references to "choosing a gender identity" and "gender confusion." Yeah...both the American Medical Association (AMA)* and American Psychological Association (APA)** recognize gender dysphoria as an actual thing and assert that the most effective treatment is supporting trans people to live as the gender they identify with. But apparently we should just disregard what the medical professionals say, because what do they know?

*Since AMA's policy on transgender healthcare was passed in 2008, this fact sheet uses outdated terminology - "gender identity disorder" has by now been replaced by "gender dysphoria."
**TLDR? See pg. 15, "Psychologists recognize that TGNC people are more likely to experience positive life outcomes when they receive social support or trans-affirmative care."

The thing is, for trans people, trying to "just deal with it," to live as the gender they were assigned at birth, generally leads to depression and from there often to suicide attempts (41% of the population). That is the essence of gender dysphoria - a crippling inability to "deal with" living as the gender you were assigned, and the choice of either living as your authentic self or facing a likely downward spiral. For me, it means I'd rather constrict my body with a binder than let my chest show and rather stick a needle in my thigh once a week than go back to having curves.

And then the privacy issue. As a trans person who has used pool and gym locker rooms, I can tell you that I am even more interested - desperately so - in not letting anyone see those parts that don't align with my identity, than anyone else. I'd wager just about every other trans person feels similarly. We don't even want to see those parts of ourselves; no way are we letting other people see.

I realize it can be hard to wrap your head around the idea that a girl or a boy may have different parts than what you're used to. I know because I've been there. I have to admit, when I first dated a trans woman, in the beginning I had to get over a certain distaste for certain parts that didn't sync in my mind with the idea that she was a woman. Even though in my head I theoretically supported trans identities, there was a visceral reaction I had to get over to really, fully accept trans bodies. And gradually, I did. The human mind can get used to just about anything, and the concept that gender identity transcends bodies is one that we're all going to have to learn eventually.

And for most people, it doesn't even have to be that graphic. Step back and think a moment. Is it really appropriate to be thinking about the genitals of strangers? Do you want other people thinking about you that way? No? Well then, maybe just leave the genitals of trans people alone. It's actually not anyone else's business.

So if we care so much about privacy, what about the privacy of transgender students? Why exactly is it the business of strangers what their genitalia are? That is between the student, their parents and their doctor. All anyone else needs to know is, this student identifies as male, or female, or non-binary. It may be helpful for the school to know the student is trans, in order to provide support, but what their genitalia are? That's none of the school's business, and certainly not the business of other parents. I mean, would you want other parents talking about your kid's genitals? Then why treat trans kids any different? They're people too and deserve respect like everyone else.

One of the most disturbing things said by the opposition was brought up by a civil rights lawyer (who should know better), who mentioned some of his clients being young girls who had been sexually assaulted and would be traumatized at having a transgender girl (not his actual word choice - it was something much less respectful) sharing a locker room with them. Firstly, it's highly unlikely that anyone else would be seeing a trans person's parts in the locker room, as I explained above. And secondly, the usual policy is to have a different facility for the persons who have an issue with the trans person. I realize this might seem unfair to the survivors of assault, though. It's a delicate balancing act, balancing the rights and needs of trans people and survivors of assault, but there's no reason it couldn't be resolved without denying either of them. Perhaps they could be scheduled in different gym classes at different times of day. Perhaps they could civilly agree to work on their differences. Sexual assault survivors are not an excuse or pawn for discriminating against trans people.

It's not as if this can't all be worked out. Just ask the schools and athletic teams that have already done it. Outside the meeting, I talked a parent of a transgender child who has an IEP (Individualized Education Program, a document that describes the services schools will provide to a particular student with special needs). An IEP could spell out how all of this is handled, from bathrooms and locker rooms to overnight trips. But the opposition isn't legitimately interested in solving the problem; they just want to use bathrooms and locker rooms as a scare tactic. There were a couple parents at the meeting who I think were honestly just saying, I want to know how the gender identity policy will be carried out. The school board could show them existing IEP's for transgender students. Every transgender student is different, anyway, and will have different comfort levels and needs when it comes to integrating into a gendered environment, so it makes sense to come up with individualized plans.

Plus, the opposition seems not to understand that harassment, assault and bullying can happen between cisgender students of the same gender, too. It is not as if transgender students are inherently dangerous or add something to the mix that didn't already exist. All students deserve to be protected from these kinds of incidents, and schools should have policies and procedures to make sure of that, whether the students in an environment are all the same gender or not, whether they are cis or trans.

The thing is, when it comes to bathrooms and locker rooms, trans people are much more likely to be the victims of assault. Their right to use these facilities without being attacked are in much more dire need of protection than cis people's desire to not feel uncomfortable. LGBTQ students in general meet with high rates of harassment, and the consequences are tragic. There is no time to lose, and no matter how long you wait, there will always be people who are uncomfortable with change. But delaying protection of LGBTQ students will only lead to more bullying and more lives lost.