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Monday, February 22, 2016

LGBTQ Equity and Safety Forum

I didn't really know what to expect as I walked into the Seneca Valley High School cafeteria on Saturday afternoon. We were there for a "Community Forum to Discuss LGBTQ Equity and Safety" organized by PFLAG, although the name of the event didn't really stick in my head before or after. It was actually sort of by coincidence that I heard about it at all -- my girlfriend heard about it through work and asked if I wanted to go.

It was less crowded and noisy than I expected - there was a small group of people, probably less than 50, seated on rows of chairs facing a speaker. In the audience I recognized Montgomery County Police Officer Rose Borisow, whom my girlfriend had profiled for her paintings of fallen police officers and military service members. A little later several DC police officers arrived as well, including Sgt. Jessica Hawkins, an out trans woman and head of the Metropolitan Police Department's Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit (I only found out who she was after the event, though).

We missed the introduction, but arrived just in time for the panel. The panelists were Michelle McCleod, an LGBTQ activist who runs Honorary Nieces and Nephews, a nonprofit that provides educational assistance to homeless and foster care queer youth; Karen Holmes, a PFLAG Board Member; Miller Hoffman, Pastor of Open Door Metropolitan Community Church; and Gerri Carpenter, an educator and parent of a transgender son. The panel was moderated by John Bartkowiak of PFLAG Germantown.

The panel discussed topics such as safe spaces and microaggressions, led by questions asked by John. Although the forum was intended to "start a conversation about how we can move forward in Germantown" (Bianca Palmisano, PFLAG Board Member), the discussion actually seemed more about the issues that LGBTQ people meet with in general. (There was one comment about how things are very different here vs. in rural areas.)

Thinking about it later, I realized that this was possibly due to the questions that were asked, which were very general. If the forum was supposed to be focused on improving things in Germantown and/or Montgomery County, they maybe ought to have asked more specific questions, such as:

  • Do you feel safe (or feel that your LGBTQ friends and family are safe) in Montgomery County, and why or why not?
  • What are the biggest barriers LGBTQ people in MoCo still face? 
  • What areas or communities in MoCo are less safe and what can be done about it? 

I was also surprised that the murder of Zella Ziona last October was not mentioned at all (unless that happened in the introduction I missed) seeing as that was a clear sign we do have transphobia in Montgomery County, and there could have been more targeted discussion on how to work with youth to make sure such a thing doesn't happen again. Later on there were some general comments about how to build understanding, but nothing specific about that incident or specific actions to prevent more hate crimes. Unfortunately, since I process information pretty slowly, especially auditory information, I didn't think to ask these things during the forum, but only thought of them later.

Trans issues came up a lot during the panel, surprisingly, considering the T used to be considered the odd cousin to the rest of the acronym. Or perhaps it's not so surprising, considering the attention trans issues have been getting recently, and also that three out of the four panelists were either trans or non-binary or had immediate family who are. Actually, I was gratified and relieved that the panel included a genderqueer person who could speak for people like me.

Things actually got a little exciting when the genderqueer panelist took on the concept of "passing." Earlier, one of the other panelists had commented on how she encouraged her trans women friends not to dress "provocatively" and to try to be as "normal" as possible, to blend in. Toward the end, the other panelist argued against this, saying that the expectation of "passing" or being "normal" does damage to the trans and genderqueer community, since some people can't or don't want to "pass." As an example, that panelist talked about sometimes considering starting testosterone in order to not be misgendered as often, but not wanting to give up a body that's comfortable just to fit society's expectations. Readers of my blog will already have guessed that I'm in agreement with this panelist -- I'm not a fan of "passing"; I think that all gender expressions and identities should be respected, regardless of whether they fit the existing norms of "male" and "female." Again, I was quite glad there was someone on the panel who could express this viewpoint.

The first panelist's view seemed to reflect a more old-fashioned view of transition, from a time when the only option for trans people was to transition all the way to the other binary gender, and they had to become invisible, "blend in" with the "normal" men and women in order to survive. As little as ten years ago it would have been much harder or even impossible to be open about being trans or non-binary like my girlfriend and I are now, and there are surely plenty of places where it's still impossible. The panelist who expressed this view is herself stealth in many contexts, which is why I'm avoiding using names.

After a snack of pizza and cookies (thanks to donations from &Pizza and Wegman's, yay!) we went to break-out small group discussions. My girlfriend and I headed to the "Trans Awareness" group, since it seemed like the place where we'd have the most to contribute. There were a lot of cis parents of trans kids in the group, with my gf and I and one of the panelists being the only trans people in the group.

At the very beginning, we went around the room introducing ourselves, including saying our gender identities and preferred pronouns, which was something I felt on the fence about. On the one hand, I felt put on the spot, pressured to label myself when I've spent rambling blog posts on the topic without arriving at a clear answer; yet on the other hand, I felt gratified that I would be able to provide visibility for non-binary identities, since I was forced to describe mine in a forum where I'd probably not otherwise have spoken at all. In the end I felt that that contribution outweighed the unpleasantness of being put on the spot -- although only slightly.

Being that there were so many parents of trans children (who ranged in age from 5 to 45) in the group, a lot of the discussion focused on parental acceptance. One mother whose teen had just come out as trans confessed to struggling with accepting her child, wanting to, but not knowing how. The mother of the transgender panelist was actually present, and talked about losing a friend over her daughter's transition. Another woman told the incredibly moving story of figuring out that her young child was transgender, bringing tears to many people's eyes (my testosterone-dried tear ducts not excepted) when she finished by saying that she cried for a week when she figured it out, not because her daughter was trans, but because if she had known sooner her daughter could have been happy for the first four years of her life.

After the small group sessions, we came back together to share what was discussed, and then Bianca Palmisano made some closing remarks. Surveys were passed out, and I noticed that several of the questions asked whether the forum had improved "public awareness" of LGBTQ issues. Well, seeing as it was attended by less than 50 people most of whom seemed to be either queer or trans themselves or to be parents of queer or trans people, I'm not so sure it did. In my small group, what I did see happen was parents who needed support connecting with other parents, and getting to hear the perspectives of other trans people besides their children. So it was beneficial at the individual level for a few people, but I don't know how much it did for the public or the community.

Some of the other breakout sessions seemed to do more on that front. There was a group on policing, which talked about the efforts of the police to address the issues of the LGBTQ community. Another of the groups, I can't remember which one, had talked about resources available to schools to support their LGBTQ students. And during the discussion at the end, school assemblies were mentioned a couple times as a way to bring more information on LGBTQ topics to the student body as a whole.

I am very glad that this forum happened and that I went to it. Still, I feel like it only just the broached the topic it was intended to cover, LGBTQ safety and equity in this particular community. There wasn't much discussion of the specifics of Germantown or Montgomery County, or any particular plans made to try to change things here. The conversation that Bianca alluded to was really only just started by this forum. On the survey, to the question of whether I would attend if another forum were held, I answered, "Yes definitely!" and I definitely hope there will be another one, since we still have a lot more to talk about.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for your honest assessment of the event. We know it wasn't perfect, and I think your analysis of the questions we broached to the panelists is accurate: they were too general for the issue at hand.

    Just wanted to make sure that it's noted that we most certainly did speak about Zella Ziona's death during the introduction, as her murder was a huge part of why this panel was put on in the first place. I regret that in my closing remarks I was unable to leave a moment of silence for her and other transwomen of color the way I had intended too. That's completely my fault.

    I think what makes me the most sad is the poor turnout, like you said. I have never been with a team that had advertised and outreached so hard for an event before. I don't know Germantown very well, but the planning committee connected with so many different community members, churches, meeting groups, schools, and institutions. We were all a little disappointed in the turnout, and I find myself wondering if there is general apathy towards the issue because so many folks see marriage equality as the panacea, as Rev. Hoffman alluded to, rather than recognizing all the other issues still at stake.

    In all, I think your assessment is very fair. There's more to be done and this event was far from perfect. But we're so glad that you came.

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    1. Thanks for commenting! I figured that must have been what happened with talking about Zella. It seemed impossible that she could have not been mentioned in this context. Bad on me for missing the introduction! (It was because I could only get childcare starting at 2, though).

      As for the turnout, beyond just marriage equality, I think there's a sense around here that, especially along the 270 corridor, this is already a safe place for LGBTQ people. To a certain extent that's true; I mean, I've been living as visibly gender-nonconforming for the past year and a half and have never once been harassed or discriminated against in MoCo. But that's partly due to my demographic - white, middle-class, FTM - and the fact that I spend almost all my time in the "nice" parts of Rockville and Germantown. It's different for other people in MoCo. Zella's murder shows that clearly. It's sad that people already forgot that that happened HERE. It happened mere blocks from where I grew up.

      I dunno if that can somehow be helpful for advertising for future events. Maybe try to target the people and communities who really know firsthand that everything's not all peachy around here.

      Thank you so much for all your hard work for the LGBTQ community.

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  2. Thanks for your participation in and your blog about the event and your fair assessment of it. A part of the "broadness" in the panel came from an attempt to give panelists, who might not be familiar with the state of things in Germantown, a chance to share their experiences in a more general way. I agree that more specific questions could be helpful in the future and the ones you suggest are excellent. This is definitely an area we need to further explore. During the introduction, the principal of SVHS, Marc Cohen, spoke eloquently to the tragedy of Zella Ziona's murder and how it sparked a desire in the students there to have some type of response, hence the genesis of this event. I agree that persons of all gender expressions and identities (and orientations) deserve respect no matter where they fall on the binary/non-binary spectrum. I want to give another shout out to &Pizza and Wegmans for their support... they rock! We only scratched the surface with this event, but I believe we started the conversation... and, since we are here and not going anywhere... we do have a lot to talk about!

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    1. Thanks for your comment! It's too bad I missed the introduction..sounds like it was really worth hearing :(

      Your comment about the broadness of the panel brought something to mind, tangentially related. It was really informative to hear about their experiences, since they represented such a breadth of different backgrounds. In particular I was intrigued by Michelle's references to her activism with the state legislature. This being my first ever involvement with PFLAG, or any organized LGBTQ activity since college, it was like a window opened up for me, that there's all this stuff going on I was never aware of. So, I guess that's another success at raising awareness on the personal level from the event :P

      Thanks for your efforts and I'm sure I'll see you again soon!

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