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Thursday, June 30, 2016

Be a Pro-Feminist? No, Thanks.

Immediately after reading this comic on Everyday Feminism, I didn't think I'd have such a strong opinion on it (I thought this was just going to be a Facebook post at first) but the more I wrote, the more I thought about it, the more it made no sense that only women can and should do the work of gender equality, that is, be feminists. Making a distinction between feminists and "pro-feminists" makes it sound like some of us get to just sit back and watch while only women can be in the movement doing the actual work. And then if you take a look at where to draw the line between feminists and pro-feminists from a non-binary perspective, it just gets messy.

The argument that men (or non-women) can't be feminists because they're allies and not part of the community is flawed because the community of women is different from the community of feminists. Being a woman does not always equate with being a feminist; it's a mode of thinking, not an innately arising state such as being gay or trans. Being a mode of thinking, and acting, which is not dependent on biology, it follows that anyone should be able to pick it up. (Hey, I just realized, is this another form of biological determinism?!)

Also, while feminism is certainly led by women, and a large part of it is about empowering women, in recent years the rhetoric of gender equality has taken a broader turn. "Feminism" now includes not only empowerment of women, but breaking down harmful stereotypes of masculinity and making space for non-binary people. I'm not necessarily saying that the term "feminism" is outdated, because women's issues do need and deserve a heavy focus, but the topic of gender equality has become more nuanced. There's work for everyone to do, and people who are not women should be doing it too. They can't (most of the time) be women, but they can be someone who supports women/gender equality, i.e. a feminist.

Furthermore, I don't necessarily think it's the case that allies can't be part of the community. When the gf and I were at Freddie's Beach Bar (a gay bar in the DC area) the weekend before last, the sense of community was palpable, even if there were plenty of straight people there. Yes, sometimes LGBTQIA+ people need a space without straight, cis people, but sometimes they can also be part of the community. It depends on the group / space, and this need can (and should be) made clear upfront. For instance, a transmasculine group I belong to usually welcomes SOFFAs (significant others, friends, family and allies), but for their "top surgery show and tell," they limit the meeting to people who have had or are interested in top surgery. This no doubt helps the people showing their post-surgery chests feel more comfortable.

I would not want to intrude on a feminist space that was women-only. (As an aside, it goes without saying that a women-only space should include transfeminine people as well, and that it should be up to the individual to decide if they're feminine enough to attend.) Since I'm not a woman, I would feel wildly uncomfortable in such a space. But I would happily participate in a feminist space that was open to everyone. As an AFAB, non-binary person, there are things I can contribute to and gain from the feminist movement. There are things that cis men can contribute and gain too. Calling us "pro-feminist" puts us at a distance, like all we have to do is stand on the sidelines and cheer, when in fact the feminist movement needs all of us to actively participate.

At the end of the day, "feminist" and "pro-feminist" are just words, and actions speak louder. Just as there are bad "male feminists," there can also be good "pro-feminists" who are very active in helping the feminist cause. The social justice community loves to argue about labels, energy which could be better spent tackling injustices. Still, if I met a feminist who said that feminism is just for women, I would have to ask her if she's throwing non-binary people under the bus, if we're somehow not included in her vision of gender equality. Gender equality is for everybody. "Feminism" just happens to be the name of strongest, most well-known movement that's fighting for it. If someone's feminism doesn't include me, then I don't want any part of it either.

The upshot is, if I met someone who insisted that men be "pro-feminists" instead of feminists, I'd want to have a thorough talk with that person to see just who else is not included in her vision of feminism and femininity. Trans women? Non-binary people? I'm not saying this is a code word for trans exclusion, but it does seem to signal a lack of awareness about the spectrum of gender, to be trying to draw a line through something that's continuous and fluid. Insisting on a dichotomy between men and women is what got this whole inequality thing started in the first place, and we can only eradicate it by working together, by embracing the breadth of gender and supporting everyone's right to be themselves and be loved, happy and successful no matter what their biology, and not by making the movement an exclusive club.

Basically, if someone wants to have a group or space that's only for women feminists, then that's fine. Sometimes I want to just be with other non-binary people to talk about our non-binary issues. But if someone's vision of the whole movement is "by women, for women," then why I should even be bothered to support it? It's not just that there seems to be nothing in it for me, but that even my support and participation are unwelcome. Meanwhile, if feminism does advocate for equality for all genders and call on the active participation of all genders as well, then why not allow us all to be part of the movement, in name as well as in action?