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Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Enforce behavior, not our bodies or identities

I've been doing some email activism this week -- urging a local Starbucks to come in line with company policy regarding gender neutral bathrooms, and having a dialogue about bathrooms and locker rooms with the manager of the Planet Fitness where I work out. (Company names not redacted because these companies are both fairly supportive of trans* rights, so this is mostly good publicity, and also, you all deserve to know what's going on.)

The Starbucks issue will hopefully be taken care of, as the district manager assured me she'll make sure the store's restrooms are in compliance. (And she happened to be the secretary of some sort of Starbucks internal pride organization, so I'm sure she gets it.)

The Planet Fitness issue probably won't go away, because it would involve building a whole new bathroom, something they're unlikely to do on just one person's request. My issue was that the only bathrooms in this PF facility are in the locker rooms, which of course are divided into "Men" and "Women." As a transitioning trans person, I don't feel safe going in the men's locker room yet, which means I can't use the bathroom while at PF. Like I said in my email to the manager, "that sometimes leads to some really uncomfortable times while working out." :( I also pointed out that intersex and nonbinary people may also feel uncomfortable going into the gendered locker rooms, which leaves them without a bathroom, too.

The manager wrote back expressing general support for people using the locker room of their gender identity, and stating that "Currently there are no plans to put another bathroom in place at this location, but I have passed your request along for possible future consideration."

I would have been satisfied with that result - after all, I didn't expect them to build a whole new bathroom right now; I just wanted to bring the issue up so that hopefully it will happen sometime in the future. Except that, in his discussion of people using the locker rooms based on their "sincerely held self-reported gender identity," he also said, "If there is suspected fraudulent or inappropriate conduct, the staff will request documentation verifying the members sex."

That statement made me very nervous, for two reasons. (1) For many trans* people, their gender identity and physical sex don't match (that is kinda the definition of being transgender, after all). For some people, hormones and surgery can bring their physical sex into line with their gender identity, but not all trans* people want or have access to those treatments, or have completed them to the point of matching cisgender expectations. I'm one of those people - I currently consider my physical sex to be between male and female. Anyway, verifying someone's physical sex would be very intrusive, so my hope was that Mr. Manager had slipped up and meant to say gender identity instead. But that brings me to #2.

(2) Many trans* people don't have accurate documentation of their gender identity. Changing legal documents costs money and often requires proof of medical treatments, which not all trans* people want or can get. In my case, I simply don't feel ready to change the F on my license to an M, and so even though I'm about to get a license with my newly legal name on it, it will still have the wrong gender marker. You might wonder why I don't just change it to avoid potential problems like this -- but I actually feel safer and more comfortable with the F, for now, because people still perceive me as female a lot of the time. Having an M on there at this point in transition would be to blatantly state my transness, and I just don't feel like doing that.

So if someone complained about me in the men's locker room, what would I do? Would I have to bring in my therapist letter or my hormone prescription or something, to "prove" that I'm male? Would that be accepted?

The thing is, if Planet Fitness wants their trans* members to feel safe and comfortable using the locker room of their "sincerely held self-reported gender identity," then why is that identity called into question at all? A self-reported identity is just that - self-reported. You simply take the person's word for it. No matter how the person looks or whether they identified the same way yesterday. Appearance and identity don't always match, and some people's identities are fluid and change day by day.

But what about "fraudulent" or "inappropriate" behavior? I'm assuming that means people claiming to be trans so they can go do unwanted icky stuff in the locker room of the people they're attracted to -- to be blunt, mainly cis men claiming to be trans women so they can go harrass women in the locker room.

It's simple. The problem with that isn't whether or not someone is trans. The problem is someone being a creeper in the locker room. It doesn't matter if he or she or they is wearing a dress or shorts, or has a penis or a vagina, or says they're trans or an alien from another planet. If someone is harassing people in a locker room or restroom, the problem is that someone is harassing people in the locker room or restroom, not that person's identity, appearance, race, religion, ability status, favorite color, or any other irrelevant characteristic. Punish people who are creepers in the locker room or restroom. Not people who are just minding their own business, but happen to look different from other people in that room.

Planet Fitness actually has changing stalls in their locker rooms (at least so they say -- I've never actually been in either locker room there) and so it's not like members even have to be subjected to the shocking sight of genitals or chests that might not match up with their expectations. I know people sometimes like to hang out nude in locker rooms. I can promise you that the vast majority of trans* people will not want to hang out nude or in any other way show their private parts in the locker room. Mostly out of fear of being discovered, and sometimes also out of loathing for their own dysphoria-inducing bodies. They will also not linger to stare at anyone else, but will get in and out of there as fast as possible with as little eye contact or interaction with anyone else as possible. Us trans* folks are much more scared of cis folks, and what will happen if they figure out that we're trans, than they need be of us.

The Planet Fitness manager wrote back to me acknowledging he made a mistake, swapping "sex" for "gender," but he didn't address my concern about needing to show documentation of gender identity in case of a problem. I'm still thinking about how to respond, since this touches on problems central to the bathroom issue. Trans* people should not be automatically cast as the instigator in locker room or bathroom incidents, and should not have their identities unfairly policed, when legal documentation is so hard to obtain. Harassment and predatory behavior are what need to be persecuted, not trans* people just trying to use the bathroom.

2 comments:

  1. Agreed on all accounts. Thanks for speaking up to the manager.

    I haven't used any locker rooms myself since my transition, and even though my ID now reads "M" I would feel nervous going into a men's locker room. I do use men's restrooms if no unisex options are available, but I feel nervous there too.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for your comment! :)

      I went and changed in a men's locker room, once, when I thought I didn't have an option. (Turns out there was a family bathroom, too.) I was terrified. Especially since I was in a military uniform, and "everyone knows" men in uniform can't have hair as long as I do! >.< I strode quickly into a stall with a glare on my face. Luckily, the locker room was almost empty and no one said anything.

      I thought I felt pretty ok about using men's restrooms, but I realized during this bathroom activism campaign of mine that it's more that I'm really, really good at ignoring or pushing down the anxiety I do feel about the restroom. Gender neutral restrooms do feel safer for me, too.

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