LGBTQ Equity and Safety Forum

I didn't really know what to expect as I walked into the Seneca Valley High School cafeteria on Saturday afternoon. We were there for a "Community Forum to Discuss LGBTQ Equity and Safety" organized by PFLAG, although the name of the event didn't really stick in my head before or after. It was actually sort of by coincidence that I heard about it at all -- my girlfriend heard about it through work and asked if I wanted to go.

It was less crowded and noisy than I expected - there was a small group of people, probably less than 50, seated on rows of chairs facing a speaker. In the audience I recognized Montgomery County Police Officer Rose Borisow, whom my girlfriend had profiled for her paintings of fallen police officers and military service members. A little later several DC police officers arrived as well, including Sgt. Jessica Hawkins, an out trans woman and head of the Metropolitan Police Department's Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit (I only found out who she was after the event, though).

We missed the introduction, but arrived just in time for the panel. The panelists were Michelle McCleod, an LGBTQ activist who runs Honorary Nieces and Nephews, a nonprofit that provides educational assistance to homeless and foster care queer youth; Karen Holmes, a PFLAG Board Member; Miller Hoffman, Pastor of Open Door Metropolitan Community Church; and Gerri Carpenter, an educator and parent of a transgender son. The panel was moderated by John Bartkowiak of PFLAG Germantown.

The panel discussed topics such as safe spaces and microaggressions, led by questions asked by John. Although the forum was intended to "start a conversation about how we can move forward in Germantown" (Bianca Palmisano, PFLAG Board Member), the discussion actually seemed more about the issues that LGBTQ people meet with in general. (There was one comment about how things are very different here vs. in rural areas.)

Thinking about it later, I realized that this was possibly due to the questions that were asked, which were very general. If the forum was supposed to be focused on improving things in Germantown and/or Montgomery County, they maybe ought to have asked more specific questions, such as:

• Do you feel safe (or feel that your LGBTQ friends and family are safe) in Montgomery County, and why or why not?
• What are the biggest barriers LGBTQ people in MoCo still face? 
• What areas or communities in MoCo are less safe and what can be done about it? 

I was also surprised that the murder of Zella Ziona last October was not mentioned at all (unless that happened in the introduction I missed) seeing as that was a clear sign we do have transphobia in Montgomery County, and there could have been more targeted discussion on how to work with youth to make sure such a thing doesn't happen again. Later on there were some general comments about how to build understanding, but nothing specific about that incident or specific actions to prevent more hate crimes. Unfortunately, since I process information pretty slowly, especially auditory information, I didn't think to ask these things during the forum, but only thought of them later.

Trans issues came up a lot during the panel, surprisingly, considering the T used to be considered the odd cousin to the rest of the acronym. Or perhaps it's not so surprising, considering the attention trans issues have been getting recently, and also that three out of the four panelists were either trans or non-binary or had immediate family who are. Actually, I was gratified and relieved that the panel included a genderqueer person who could speak for people like me.

Things actually got a little exciting when the genderqueer panelist took on the concept of "passing." Earlier, one of the other panelists had commented on how she encouraged her trans women friends not to dress "provocatively" and to try to be as "normal" as possible, to blend in. Toward the end, the other panelist argued against this, saying that the expectation of "passing" or being "normal" does damage to the trans and genderqueer community, since some people can't or don't want to "pass." As an example, that panelist talked about sometimes considering starting testosterone in order to not be misgendered as often, but not wanting to give up a body that's comfortable just to fit society's expectations. Readers of my blog will already have guessed that I'm in agreement with this panelist -- I'm not a fan of "passing"; I think that all gender expressions and identities should be respected, regardless of whether they fit the existing norms of "male" and "female." Again, I was quite glad there was someone on the panel who could express this viewpoint.

The first panelist's view seemed to reflect a more old-fashioned view of transition, from a time when the only option for trans people was to transition all the way to the other binary gender, and they had to become invisible, "blend in" with the "normal" men and women in order to survive. As little as ten years ago it would have been much harder or even impossible to be open about being trans or non-binary like my girlfriend and I are now, and there are surely plenty of places where it's still impossible. The panelist who expressed this view is herself stealth in many contexts, which is why I'm avoiding using names.

After a snack of pizza and cookies (thanks to donations from &Pizza and Wegman's, yay!) we went to break-out small group discussions. My girlfriend and I headed to the "Trans Awareness" group, since it seemed like the place where we'd have the most to contribute. There were a lot of cis parents of trans kids in the group, with my gf and I and one of the panelists being the only trans people in the group.

At the very beginning, we went around the room introducing ourselves, including saying our gender identities and preferred pronouns, which was something I felt on the fence about. On the one hand, I felt put on the spot, pressured to label myself when I've spent rambling blog posts on the topic without arriving at a clear answer; yet on the other hand, I felt gratified that I would be able to provide visibility for non-binary identities, since I was forced to describe mine in a forum where I'd probably not otherwise have spoken at all. In the end I felt that that contribution outweighed the unpleasantness of being put on the spot -- although only slightly.

Being that there were so many parents of trans children (who ranged in age from 5 to 45) in the group, a lot of the discussion focused on parental acceptance. One mother whose teen had just come out as trans confessed to struggling with accepting her child, wanting to, but not knowing how. The mother of the transgender panelist was actually present, and talked about losing a friend over her daughter's transition. Another woman told the incredibly moving story of figuring out that her young child was transgender, bringing tears to many people's eyes (my testosterone-dried tear ducts not excepted) when she finished by saying that she cried for a week when she figured it out, not because her daughter was trans, but because if she had known sooner her daughter could have been happy for the first four years of her life.

After the small group sessions, we came back together to share what was discussed, and then Bianca Palmisano made some closing remarks. Surveys were passed out, and I noticed that several of the questions asked whether the forum had improved "public awareness" of LGBTQ issues. Well, seeing as it was attended by less than 50 people most of whom seemed to be either queer or trans themselves or to be parents of queer or trans people, I'm not so sure it did. In my small group, what I did see happen was parents who needed support connecting with other parents, and getting to hear the perspectives of other trans people besides their children. So it was beneficial at the individual level for a few people, but I don't know how much it did for the public or the community.

Some of the other breakout sessions seemed to do more on that front. There was a group on policing, which talked about the efforts of the police to address the issues of the LGBTQ community. Another of the groups, I can't remember which one, had talked about resources available to schools to support their LGBTQ students. And during the discussion at the end, school assemblies were mentioned a couple times as a way to bring more information on LGBTQ topics to the student body as a whole.

I am very glad that this forum happened and that I went to it. Still, I feel like it only just the broached the topic it was intended to cover, LGBTQ safety and equity in this particular community. There wasn't much discussion of the specifics of Germantown or Montgomery County, or any particular plans made to try to change things here. The conversation that Bianca alluded to was really only just started by this forum. On the survey, to the question of whether I would attend if another forum were held, I answered, "Yes definitely!" and I definitely hope there will be another one, since we still have a lot more to talk about.

Calling In Phil Anselmo

This is kind of old hat by now, but I wanted to get this post up anyway because it's important. As a blogger who writes about social justice and the metal scene, I don't think I ought to be silent on this, even if I am late to the party. (Or the slaughter, as it may be.)

Anyway, in case you don't listen to metal, or pay even less attention to news than I do, about a month ago Phil Anselmo, former lead vocalist of Pantera, made several racist gestures and comments while performing at Dimebash (the annual event in honor of deceased Pantera guitarist "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott). A fan caught him on video performing a "Sieg Heil" salute and shouting "White power," and he apparently made a comment using the N-word backstage to Robb Flynn of Machine Head. Robb later posted a rambling rant against Phil and racism in metal in general.

While Robb Flynn wasn't the only one in the metal scene taking Phil to task for his racist remarks, I know there's also a portion of the scene going "Who cares, extreme music is supposed to offend," or, "Yeah, that might be racist, but I just like the music, I don't care about the politics." Seeing as that's what so many people say about NSBM (nationalist socialist black metal), misogyny in the metal scene, etc. Because sometimes people with shitty views do make music that sounds really good, and when that bigoted person is on the other side of the world and you're listening to their music on Youtube, it's easy to feel like it doesn't matter.

I've been there. I used to like the music of this one band, probably the most notorious NSBM band, although I didn't know it at the time. When I found out about the neo-Nazi activities of the person behind the band, it took a long time for me to sort out how I felt about it and what to do. A similar thing, but even more intense, happened a while back when I found out that a science fiction and fantasy writer who was one of my faves when I was a teen was giving part of his book profits to anti-LGBT organizations. It took years for me to figure out how I felt about it, but eventually I decided I would never read any of his books again, nor even say his name. It was tough at first, because I had been so moved and inspired by his books, and at first I regretted not being able to continue reading or even recommending his work. But at the same time, I didn't want to give one iota of support, whether in terms of money or publicity, to those sort of views.

Same thing for that one NSBM band, or any other one I might come across, no matter how awesome the music. I decided that I can't separate any act from its social or political impact, and I can't stomach doing anything that would contribute even tangentially to hate or supporting any person who expresses hate in any way.

When I thought of it that way, it helped me to let go of the books I wanted to read and the music I wanted to listen to. I mean, what's more important, being able to enjoy this one band's music, when there are also zillions of other bands out there I could listen to, or the lives of people who will be negatively impacted by the racist and neo-Nazi views and actions the band is encouraging? (Some credit for the phrasing of this thought goes to Metal Chris of DC Heavy Metal, who made the point "there are so many other bands to listen to" in a Facebook discussion about the Phil incident.) Certainly it isn't easy giving up a favorite band, or author, but then again doing the right thing often isn't easy.

But my conscience does rest a lot easier knowing I did the right thing.

So does this mean I will never listen to Pantera again? Well, this story actually has a slightly different ending. For one thing, Pantera was not all Phil, and Rita Haney, Dimebag Darrell's girlfriend, came out condemning Phil's white supremacist actions, while also accepting his apology for the same. Not only that, but later, on February 4 or 5 (judging from tweets of some of the same text) Phil posted another, heartfelt apology, which appears as the splash page of his website:

Since he says, "My band mates are now experiencing the consequences of my behavior," to the point that he has "privately suggested to them that they move on without" him, it seems that, this time the metal community has actually stood up and not made excuses, but has held him accountable for his actions and words at Dimebash, and he is feeling the pressure. Some performances of his current band Down were cancelled even after the new apology, it seems.

And I really want to believe him when he says that "Every citizen in this entire world has the unalienable right to live with dignity and respect without hate or oppression" and "I am utterly responsible for the mistakes I have made, and can only give you my word to no longer do them in the present, through ACTION, not just mere words." I want to believe he really means those things -- not just because I believe in the inherent goodness of people and in giving them a second chance, but because I believe in those things that he said and yearn for other people to believe and work toward them, too.

A couple days ago while working at the library I happened to skim through a book about one of the dogs from Michael Vick's dogfighting ring. At the end of the book was a timeline of the case, what happened to the dogs, and Michael Vick's life afterward. He apparently went bankrupt from being suspended from the NFL and losing his endorsement deals, but then three years later in 2010 he was starting quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles. My first reaction was, "WTF, they not only let him back in the NFL but gave him a star position, after what he did to those dogs?!" My second thought was, "Well, he did go bankrupt -- is it possible he suffered enough already for what he did, and perhaps ought to have a chance to go on with his life?"

Well, I just looked into it, and it seems like actually, he did not suffer that much -- never served time for animal cruelty, nor expressed any remorse about it, despite the fact that not only did he run a dogfighting ring but brutally tortured and killed the losing dogs.

But anyway, back to Phil Anselmo -- my reaction to the book did lay the groundwork for my reaction to Phil's apology. He has already done more than Michael Vick just by apologizing with such apparent sincerity, and the path is still open for him to atone for his actions. Only time will tell, but the tone of his apology makes me think that this time, maybe he will.

That is why I titled this post "Calling In Phil Anselmo." He has been called out by so many people in the metal scene. He has been sanctioned for what he did. In terms of negative reactions toward his actions, there's not much left to do. It's up to him now to change himself, to make amends, to show he's fit to rejoin the metal scene, a scene that, now in 2016, will no longer tolerate blatant racism from public figures. Because I'm so optimistic about human beings, I hope he will do that and we can invite him back in. (Not that I have any authority to do such a thing. I would guess that POC metal musicians and/or fans would be the most appropriate judges of whether Phil has atoned, although in reality it will probably be some combination of record labels and the media who decide when Phil is "acceptable" again.)

The scene's rising up to speak out against Phil's actions at Dimebash, while awesome to see, was kind of surprising, actually. After all he had been saying stuff like that for decades. But then again, this incident came at a time when race tensions are especially high and the topic is at the forefront of attention in the U.S. It couldn't be worse for him but in a way, it couldn't be better. There couldn't be a better time for us, the metal scene, to practice holding each other accountable, and for us, all of us, including Phil, to work for a more inclusive and equitable scene, and society.